Self Worth: Parenting Without Disclaimers
Compliments you hear as a woman:
Passerby: I love your blouse.
You: Really? It’s so old. I got it on sale.
Passerby: Wow, your hair looks great.
You: Does it! I haven’t washed it in days.
Passerby: That was a great idea.
You: It isn’t mine. I found it on Pinterest.
And so it goes.
Every compliment gets deflected. Every accolade sparks shame.
As women, we are socialized to look out for others. We are taught to shine the spotlight on everyone else. We make ourselves tiny and invisible. Girls are taught to make others feel great, and feeding our self worth is ill-advised. Feeding our self-worth will undoubtedly breed conceit and superiority.
The cycle of self-sabotaging our self worth intensifies.
In time, those girls become young ladies and eventually mothers and aunts who teach babies to live life in the same way.
Compliments you hear as a mom:
Passerby: She’s so cute.
You: Thanks, but she looks like her dad.
Passerby: He loves French fries.
You: This is an exception. I always feed him healthy food.
Passerby: Those shoes are adorable.
You: I didn’t buy them. They were a gift from Grandma.
So as a woman and a mother you reject positive information. As a woman and a mother you are not worthy.
Living life with disclaimers is not a Mommy issue. It is a girl/woman issue. How can we empower someone to live radiantly in her essence when we can not accept a compliment? We can not allow someone to see us in our splendor. We use disclaimers whenever someone attempts to connect with us through tokens of appreciation and respect.
So now I lay out a challenge.
Step 1 For the next two days, notice how many times you use disclaimers and stop yourself from doing so.
Step 2 The next five days accept compliments.
I love this shirt too.
Yes, I am having a great hair day.
Her outfit is adorable. She looks great in purple.
Step 3 Hear observations as just that. Assume the observation is a compliment.
He does love fries, even without ketchup.
She loves Cheerios. She could eat them all day.
She is crying. I love to hear her express herself.
In the end, a compliment is the profound act of one person trying to connect with another. Your positive response creates supportive energy that didn’t exist before, especially among strangers. Your reaction creates a new cycle of creating self-worth for the baby in your arms. Your commitment to this process allows you to strengthen your self-identity and your self-worth!
You are worthy of being seen!
You don’t have to be on your A game. You have to be you!
Your brilliance, your essence, and your efforts are worth noting!
So go out there and compliment a mom and embrace the compliments that come your way.
From my heart to yours,
Ask the Child Whisperer